Dear Bryan . . .

We received your letter, and we understand your concern. We would like to compensate you for your loss of $21.08, but frankly we don't really care that much. We pull in about 8 trillion dollars every fiscal year. In fact, our last quarter was so successful that we have developed a plan to purchase the moon before 2009 and rename it the Wal (little star) Moon. To us, $21.08 is nothing. Our executives earn that much every time they inhale.

As for your threats to "get your money back" by eating food and using products in our stores, we'll give you our standard response: "Oooooh . . . we're soooo scared!!! One man in one store in East Nowhere, Ohio is going to snag a few grapes without paying. How will we ever survive financially? What will we do? We better start filling out the bankrupcy forms now." (Oddly enough, I think you can buy bancrupcy forms at Wal Mart).

We realize that our lack of efforts to resolve your conflict may result in the loss of your business at our stores. Once again, we couldn't care less.

Maybe we'll see you soon - maybe we won't. We'll still be rich, and you'll still be crying over your 20 bucks,
Wal Mart